Because it’s pointless.

5 kids means we wear a LOT of cotton. Cotton clothes could totally be folded but why would you do that?! I got really tired of looking in my kids’ drawers and seeing the clothes I had previously neatly folded now all caddywompus and fuckey. It also didn’t matter much if I had shirts in the shirt drawer and pants in the pants drawer, the kids could never keep it straight.

So I looked into how people with a boatload of kids manage this and specifically, I looked at the Queen of Too-Many-Children, Michelle Duggar. They go as far as not even having specific clothes for each kid... they just have a “family closet” for their prairie skirts and polos. I wasn’t about to go that far but I liked the theory and in September of 2014 (when I was pregnant with Elijah and D O N E being functional while I gestated a human), I quit folding laundry.

I ordered those 9-cube organizers for each kid and cloth bins. Then I printed labels for each cube, with an entire set made up of pictures because at that time, Scarlett couldn’t read. Short Sleeve Shirts, Long Sleeve Shirts, Pants, Shorts, Pajamas, Undies, Jackets, “Fancy Drawer”.

As clean laundry exited the dryer, it was piled on a couch and whichever kid was on laundry duty that day sorted the clothes into piles by person, a pile of socks and a pile of linens. Linens were folded and put away, socks tossed in the “sock bench” and then the kid shouts “COME AND GET YOUR PILES!”. Each kid takes their pile to their room and sorts it by type into their square cloth bins. If they want it folded (they literally never did) they could do that themselves. Isabelle eventually got more fashionable teen clothing and opts to hang a lot of her tops. Matthew and I manage our own clothes however we want. He hangs. I occasionally put mine in drawers but there’s also a pretty consistent pile on my floor of clean clothes.

Hey Kate, don't they all get wrinkled?!
Oh they totally do... but that wasn’t different than before and I realized that with a wardrobe that is 98% cotton (and 2% sequin), the wrinkles were gone after sitting for 10 minutes on a 98.6 degree human. #NaturesIron

I also quit matching and mating socks because seriously, who cares about socks?! Not my kids. Every sock is thrown in the “sock bench” and I started buying bulk white socks in the hopes of eventually not having to worry about mismatched socks but I’m not kidding when I say no one cares.

But Kate, what about your socks?
Well, okay, yeah... Matthew and I do care about matched socks. We mostly solve that by buying him black socks so they’re easy to spot in the sea of kid socks. My socks are nearly always bizarre. I have a lovely collection of weird socks that are fairly easy to identify.

I often get asked how I manage to keep up with 5 kids and my first response is either “whiskey” to shut them up, or if the person asking is really looking for tips, I say “I stopped folding laundry 5 years ago” because I did and it was one of the best decision I’ve ever made.

Because we're evil parents that force them to spend time with us off the grid with no technology... we also usually spend 3 days in the same pajamas. It's epic. Or, as our 4 year old says, "It's Effic".  We don't correct him... it's damn cute and the last wisps of babyhood are leaving our home as slowly as humanly possible.

Q: What do we do for 3 days in a Yurt in the middle of the Cascades?
A: Whatever we want. 

The yurt itself is not too tiny, and it has enough beds for all of us, an adorable wood-burning stove for warmth, electric blankets on all the beds, and a tiny little kitchen area that we use to cook meals in. There's a pit toilet down the way but the boys usually pee off the deck. *shrug* The Yurt also sits on the grounds of an active farm with goats and pigs, and those staying in the Yurt are welcome to feed their food scraps to the pigs!!  This might be the best part for the kids... hopping into rain boots and running scraps out to the pigs. But not bacon scraps... we had a long discussion about that and decided that while the pigs would love it, it felt super wrong in our souls. 

We also try to incorporate a little bit of YurtMas in our YurtCation. I bring a few Christmas gifts for each kid to open, usually matching pajamas (thanks Target) and a book for each kid. This year I'm probably getting them some new board games too. Matthew brings his guitar, I bring my knitting, the kids bring art supplies and we just spend 3 days together with no outside interruption. 

We really, honestly, truly make it a "no-tech" get away. Matthew and I shut off our phones. (WHAT?! A doula shuts off her phone?!  Calm yourself. I have a partner and she is amazing and why I'm able to do this.) . We don't let the kids bring Kindles or phones, and sometimes we bring a bluetooth speaker to play audiobooks on, but we don't really use it. 

I know it's a bit unconventional to do a getaway like this in December, and even more unusual to have it be no-tech. It's vital to us that we make this happen... especially in December. This is the time of year when we are super busy with events at school and our church, and the kids are like ping pong balls with the big girls going to their dads every other weekend and Jackson getting ready to visit his mom in Atlanta. We need this time to ground ourselves as a family and as people who love each other. 

I honestly wasn't sure how this would go last year when I did it, but the kids absolutely loved it. They have been asking all year if we're going back to our YurtCation and all of us are super excited to go back this year!!! 

Location & Logistics:

• From the main hospital entrance, continue straight and turn right at the Emergency Department. Follow that road as it snakes around the back of the hospital and it will lead you to a parking lot outside the "Totem Entrance". Park there! 
• Parking is free on weekends, you have to pay during the daytime M-F
• Entry to the Childbirth Center is through the Totem Entrance, straight down the hall and then take a right. There is ample signage and hand sanitizer on the way! Note the bathrooms immediately to the left when you walk in... those are good for doulas!!!  
• After Hours: Still use this entrance, but when the doors are locked, press the silver call button and smile for the camera! Security will answer and you just have to say "I'm a doula, I'm headed to the childbirth center" and they'll open the door for you. Occasionally you need to know the name or room number of whomever you are visiting but not often. 

Types of practitioners:

• OB/GYNs: Meridian Women's Health is the main OB/GYN practice and they are by far the most beloved OB practice of the majority of birth workers. They are compassionate and practice evidence-based medicine with a strong love for doulas. 
• CNMs: The CNM group at the hospital is pretty phenomenal as well. They are now in a position where they can take midwifery hospital transfers as well, so we kinda love them more. 
• Hospitalists and Family Practice Doctors: None. This might seem a bit odd, but this is a small hospital and the doctors and midwives here take care of their own. 

How do they treat Out-Of-Hospital transfers?

• Compassionately. This is not a hospital where a midwife will be shamed for transferring (even an intended HBAC) and the family will be treated with respect and given ample opportunity to continue laboring as they intended as long as it's safe..
• The CNMs can now take intrapartum transfers as well so this is a lovely option for families to be aware of when transferring. 

Cesarean rate through the years:

• They have recently dropped their cesarean rate significantly and I believe this is due to nurses who are most all trained or at least incredibly knowledgeable in optimal fetal positioning techniques, and OB/GYNs who have taken very relaxed stances on induction, cesareans for arrest of descent/dilation and the like. 
• More statistics like the image above can be found starting on page 70 Right Here.

NICU level

• Level II: They recently partnered with Seattle Children's to have pediatric ARNPs on site and they can care for babies above 34 weeks gestation, but for anything major, they will transfer to UWMC-Main or to Seattle Children's Hospital. 

Natural birth rating: I give it 4 out of 5 birth balls!!!

• They don't allow for water birth so they don't get a full 5, but everything else bodes very well for those intending to have an unmedicated and low-intervention birth. 

Policy on food for patients

• Low-Intervention Labor: No restrictions
• Pitocin: No restrictions
• Epidural: Clear Liquids (popsicles are encouraged)

Where is the nourishment?

• Each of the two hallways have a nourishment room that is open to patients with a variety of juices, jellos, snacks, fruits, popsicles and a small array of postpartum meals for patients who birth while the cafeteria is closed.
• The Cafeteria (Checker's Cafe) is right below the childbirth center. Take either the elevator or the stairs right across from the fish tank in the lobby down to the first floor and follow the hallway to the left. Checker's is open for Breakfast: 6:30 a.m.–9:30 a.m, Lunch: 11:00 a.m.–2:00 p.m. and Dinner: 4:00 p.m.–7:30 p.m.
• Starbucks on site (down closer to the main hospital) is open M-F, 6:00 a.m.-1:30 a.m. & Sat-Sun, 6:00 a.m.-7:30 p.m.

Labor Tub Options and Review

• I give this one 3 out of 5 duckies. Not all rooms have a tub, and those that do are super cramped. This is changing when the hospital's new birth wing opens in 2020. The rooms that do NOT have tubs do have a shower (a very small shower... I think boats have bigger showers) and there are two "tub rooms" in the middle of the right hallway that anyone can use with really nice tubs in them. There's not much in the room other than a tub and a shower chair, but they do the trick. While the tubs in each of the two rooms are identical, there are differences between the two rooms so take note... the first one on the left is smaller but is able to be dark. The second one at the end of the short hallway is larger and has a fetal monitoring cart in it, but it has high windows with no coverings. It's important when discussing taking your client to the tub rooms to let them know the difference and help decide which one they prefer. I personally like the first one that can be dark... the nurses will come in periodically with a doppler to monitor if you're in this room. 

Birth suite tips, and tools:

• I'm a well-known linen succubus and there are blanket warmers in each of the two hallways so just ask a nurse and they will grab you one. 
• They do have balls, peanut and round, in loads of sizes. There is also a cub and a birthing stool (not a Kaya for use in water, but a land-based sparkly blue one with handles) and squat bars are in the equipment room so you need to ask for them but they have them!!

Partner accommodations

• The partner-bed isn't too shabby... I think it's supposed to be a twin and while it is a bit narrow, I've slept on it happily many times and seen many partners snoring away on it. 
• Included with your stay is food for the laboring person and you can order a full meal "for them" every 2 hours... so if you don't mind eating at separate times... it's a thing that happens a LOT. 

Doula friendly nurses?

• Literally every single one.... they love us and we love them.

Medication Options and Restrictions available

• Nitrous: the nurses control this and anyone can use it. You just need to ask. It's amazing. 
• IV Narcotics: Fentanyl is available if the provider orders it
• Epidural: available though sometimes there is a wait because the anesthesiologist might be busy. There is usually only one anesthesiologist available and if someone is having a cesarean, you will have to wait. 
  • The epidural can be placed while you're in your room, though sometimes they limit the support to only one person so you'll have to ask people to step out. Those that stay will have to sit. No fainting!!!
  • More often than not at this hospital, I've seen epidurals not work well enough and the doctor is called back in to give the patient a bolus of medication. This must mean they default to a lower dose as I've also seen patients with a lot of mobility for their birth and most can still feel the urge to push!!

Cesarean 

• Due to the small size of the ORs, Doula support was limited until recently.  Thanks to some passionately pro-doula OBs, the push to include doulas in the OR has been practically fully accepted. You might need to ask for a second bunny-suit as the nurse might not bring it, but it's pretty common for doulas to be allowed in.
• As is standard, the doula and partner will sit outside the OR while the patient is prepped, draped and properly anesthetized. Then we get to go in!  
• Recently, I saw them use some fantastic plus-size specific tools for cesarean birth, including the use of the Alexis O Retractor and Negative Pressure Wound Therapy. This made me super happy. 
• The OBs at northwest also offer a clear drape for those who would like to see the birth of their baby, and they are happy to allow skin to skin immediately after birth with either the birthing parent or a second person in the room. 

Postpartum & Lactation:

• The hospital is great with immediate postpartum bonding for parents and baby... skin to skin is encouraged and the baby is left on the chest for the "Golden Hour" while the nurses cluck away teaching the parents about newborn cues and how to look for signs that the baby is ready to feed. 
• Lactation support is also top-notch and I give it 4 out of 5 drips. They have been a "Baby Friendly" hospital since 2017 and it shows in the compassion and care of the nurses as they educate and support breast/chest-feeding families. I do wish they had more of a follow-up system similar to Evergreen's Postpartum Care Center Appointment, but it's pretty good besides that!

Special Considerations

• VBAC: I legit wouldn't go anywhere else. Meridian Women's Health is fantastic for those considering a VBAC and again, their generous timeline for birth, nurses trained in Spinning Babies and evidence-based views on going postdate as a VBAC lead to an outstanding VBAC success rate. Personally as a doula here, I have a 95% vaginal birth rate with VBAC patients at this hospital. 
• Twin and high risk care providers: The OBs at Meridian Women's Health are phenomenal with twins at this facility. I've seen vertex and breech twins here, and they are gentle with their induction and generous with their timeline as long as all are healthy.
• Placenta release: Easy peasy. They don't send the placenta to pathology unless there is an infection or other reason for further examination, so most parents can take it home immediately or have a designated placenta person pick it up. 

Yes, Yes I did. 

It's here under the Best GamerTag Ever

Why on earth would I do such a thing and why would I broadcast it, and why would I tell my kids about it?! Two reasons:

1) Because I am sex-positive and will raise my kids not to fear vaginas, theirs or others. 

2) I have a weak-ass pelvic floor and the video game I bought to strengthen my second-favorite lady part is super fun and I believe everyone who can should play it. Seriously, It's fun. So watch me play it!  Or don't. You do you. 

Want to buy the game?  It's called Perifit and no I don't get kickbacks from the company for telling you to go buy one. 

I get to fly a butterfly, a bird and a flappy bird WITH MY VAGINA. It's hilariously fun...

Hey Kate,

Do all your kids do chores?

Yes my kids do chores. No they don't complain. They just do them because I'm terrifying and they know I'm in charge. If they whine? They get more chores and I will not let them rest until my bidding is complete. 

Really though? I took my 10 least-favorite chores, broke them up into 5 sections, assigned the two easiest ones permanently to the 4 year old, and the other 4 pairs are assigned a fun name (because I'm fun, damnit) and the kids rotate through the weekly. 

It works. By the time they're bored of their chore, it's time to do a new one. Every 3-4 months I mix them up and rename them something different. We've done Hogwarts houses, superheroes, famous feminists. Star Wars characters, teachers from their school (that was during the summer.... the kids did NOT appreciate being reminded of school, but I thought it was hilarious) and next I think I'm going to do grandparents... because there will be nothing funnier than my 7 year old going "I'm Papa Larry this week! Who are you? Oh, HI GRAMMY!!"

I'm nice and I shared my spreadsheet... it's super fun. I also created a "Jedi Training Academy" for kids who are struggling with staying on top of ongoing behavior issues and organizational tasks. It didn't work because I got bored but it's in the drive anyways. 

Hey Kate,

How do you manage keeping a house somewhat sane with five kids, two leopard geckos, two cats, a beta fish and a Matthew? That must be exhausting! 


Oh. You're adorable. I don't do chores. Seriously. I'm the project manager of my household. I delegate. I erased the idea of being "caught up" on laundry because what's the point? The pile has a mind of it's own. I stopped folding laundry in September of 2014. It was life-changing. 

My children have an amazing amount of chores. They are completed by 4:30 pm and my house is somewhat sane until dinner time. The other two times I need them to clean things, I do as follows...

Clean your room!!

Instead of “hey child, go clean your room”, it’s much more effective if you go in and sweep all their junk into a pile. Then have a list posted with categories in the order you want the kid to work.

This is my list:
1- make your bed
2- sort all the clothes in your room, clean to a pile on your bed, dirty to the hamper
3- find the 5 biggest things in the pile and put them away
4- books
5- big toys
6- garbage
7- the rest
8- sort and put away the clean clothes from your bed

If the kid is little or sluggish, bribe them. Give them a mini Marshmellow or semi-sweet chocolate chip for each number... you can even go up incrementally (1 mallow for task 1, 2 for task 2... to keep them motivated) Don’t like sugar? Cheetos work just as well, IME. Make it fun and drop it into their mouth like a baby bird getting a worm. Make them say “cheep cheep” if you do that. Yes, even the 12 year olds.

If the pile is 90% toys? Split the big pile into multiple smaller piles and give them a treat when each one is finished.

If these don’t work? Or they lose steam? Play the “number game” or the “color game”:
- Tidy 5 things then come get a Cheeto!
- Tidy 7 BLUE things and then come get a Cheeto!
- Put away 4 books and then come get a Cheeto!
- Throw all your stuffies at your head board and shout “GOOOOOOOOOAAAAAL” if they don’t bounce back off the bed.

What if I need a deeper house cleaning? Like for a party or Our Lord and Savior Ruth Bader Ginsburg is visiting?

"Tasks in a hat"
Balance it with 2:1 chores:break tasks.

- Tidy living room
- Clean Bathroom #1
- Do laundry load
- Clean family room
(Use the broom for all the clutter in each room)
- Dance break!! (Wooden spoon microphones enhance this break)
- Cookie break!!
- Story time break!!
- FLOOR IS LAVA BREAK!!!
​
Also? Do it in two phases... Phase two has the deeper cleaning like vacuuming, washing and dusting if you do that kind of stuff. Can’t really draw the “vacuum living room” before you tidy it...